


Jack Off!

by ImmaculateMisconceptions



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: I should be sleeping or doing something productive, M/M, giggling so hard bitty cries, its not worth tagging them but I'm doing that anyway, literal just... fluff, there is no point to this fic it's stupid and I love it, when I say "Mention of x" I literally mean their name turns up like... once in the whole thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:04:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9518045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmaculateMisconceptions/pseuds/ImmaculateMisconceptions
Summary: Bitty finds the most amazing article on Jack ever written and Jack has to read it to properly understandor - Bitty laughs so hard he cries and Jack doesn't want Ransom, or Holster or Shitty to ever find out why





	

The soft giggle snorts from Bitty's side of the couch made his boyfriend lift his head with the apprehension of years of exposure to the shit that made the soft southern boy laugh. Eric Bittle had his phone clutched in one hand, tears in his eyes as he scrolled slowly down whatever he was looking at and he started laughing _harder._ Jack hadn't thought it possible before that moment. 

"Bits, are you okay?" Jack looked up from the TV, which was going to commercial from the 2017 NHL All-Star game, to look at his boyfriend with concern. "Bitty... Bits... Bittle." He reached for the phone, which was surrendered with surprising ease as Bitty let out a cackle and slid down the pillows of the couch and reached helplessly for his phone.

Jack stared at the screen, which was in the middle of an article about his early rise to captaining the Providence Falconers and why exactly he was The Most qualified to hold such a position... which was an actual sentence in this article. 

"Re-Read it" Bitty managed, letting one hand drop as he sucked in air and dissolved into giggles once more, silently mouthing words to the air as he slid down the couch towards the floor. 

Obliging, Jack settled back with one hand gently on Bitty's shoulder to monitor his condition while his other hand's thumb scrolled to the top. The title was what got him first.

_**Jack Off!**_

in big bold letters with a smaller font below reading: 

_To a good start for his second season as Assistant Captain of the Providence Falconers_

 

_Jack Zimmermann, son of hockey legend "Bad Bob" Zimmermann, looks to be on an early start of matching and in my opinion surpassing his father's reign as a Hockey Legend. He's like Connor McDavid, only with a better jawline and a less private past. He's like Connor McDavid with Austin Matthew's hair and Sidney Crosby's body and Mind. So really he's like Sidney Crosby only younger._

Jack looked up at his ceiling, silently wishing he believed in a God to thank for that comparison. He decided Ransom, Holster, Shitty or Tater should never be made aware of this article if they didn't already know about it. He didn't need more chirping in his life. 

_This man joined the NHL at age 25 after gaining a History degree at the University of Samwell. He has an interest in Photography that's made his Instagram one that my technology inept grandmother follows. That woman is more religious about Jack Zimmermann's Instagram than she is about her own faith in God._

Jack could understand the words Bitty was saying now as he gasped for air and whispered at Jack, " _The three A's for the three Asses of the three A's_ _."_ before wiping away tears as the chuckles kept shaking his small frame. 

Confusion raced through Jack's brain as he turned his attention to the phone.  _Within one season he became assistant captain alongside previous years Sebastien "Marty" St. Martin Randall "Thirdy" Robinson the third Alternative Captains. The thing I really appreciate about the Falconers is how they rarely seem to ever have someone with a C. Its always at least two A's. Or it has been for the past six seasons. And now they have three A's. Three A's for the three asses of the three A's in charge of the Providence Falconers._

Jack closed his eyes, pursed his lips and sighed. Bitty's laughter had subsided and he was blinking slowly and breathing deeply. Jack looked at him and smiled softly. 

_Within a season this man has made leaps and bounds and progressed a single team, and shifted the atmosphere of an entire league more than 100 years of hockey has done. He's come out in a mundane way, making it less of a deal than skeptics have always thought it to be, and he's risen to great power within a new team. It's like the team was built to support growth and prove its players worth._

_Jack Laurent Zimmerman of the Providence Falconers is The Most qualified to hold the position of Captain for reasons expanding past his sexuality, the humbleness that resides in his soul and his previous life struggles. It comes with his abilities; the goal he scored in the first thirty seconds of the first game he played and the way he became starting line material within four minutes of being on the ice in a game not going well for the falconers before those four minutes (total. he wasn't on the ice for four minutes, that'd be mean) and the progression on and off ice has been considerable. We all judge captains to be insightful, good at the game and a general People Persons (Jonathan Toews, Max Pacioretty, Steven Stamkos for example) but also clearly considerable in talent and well versed in Hockey Press Cliches (Sidney Crosby and Connor McDavid) and generally deserving of the power, responsibility, and title. They're versatile and they have a personality, as mundane as it may be. Jack has that. He is clearly talented, he took a break for four years, came back better than before and his comments, as cliched and stoic as they may be, show he knows himself and he knows his team. He's learning, he's growing and he's consistent. We've watched his Cellys start small and now they're as rough and personality-filled as the rest of the teams (The time he skated down rink to hug the goalie for six saves on one Penalty Kill anyone?). His Instagram shows he has a soft side, and that one video lurking where he's got the rest of the teams' kids climbing on him like he's a jungle him and he's talking to them in French and English and he throws in terrible jokes proves that he's not the robot he was labeled as. If that doesn't show growth and a person worthy of a captain's letter I don't know what else to tell you._

_Plus, he has good taste in desert and boyfriends and looks like he's going to shoot me but really will only shoot a really precise slapshot, so really... he deserves that damn A and I'll fight you to prove it._

_\- Written by Judie A. Collins._

"Wow." Jack exhaled and chuckled briefly. "That was a wild ride." Bitty nodded, not trusting himself to talk, and reached for his phone back, "Oh sorry, have you not tweeted in five minutes?" Jack shot Bitty a lopsided grin before Eric made a face and leaped at his boyfriend.

"The world should know the truth!" He exclaimed, almost in protest, as Jack twisted beneath him, one hand wrapping around Bitty's small waist while the other flung the phone above his head. Bitty reached and stopped to glance down at Jack's slightly smug expression as Bitty realized Jack had him trapped. With a soft smile, Eric leaned down. "I guess it can wait." 

Jack opened his mouth to begin another chirp when Bitty silenced him with a deft kiss, a soft "eh?" escaped Jack's mouth before his eyes closed. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on a whim and I still love it twenty minutes later so you get the joy of reading. I have never written a southern person talking which is why bitty doesn't get to talk in this fic all that much
> 
> Thank you to the lovely human being that told me Marty and Thirdy's actual name :))


End file.
